- Yes. You’ve put on a shirt thousands of times. You’ve walked down the stairs thousands of times. Doing both of these at once, however, is still a bad idea.
- Just because it’s a table knife, that doesn’t mean it won’t cut your tongue when you lick the peanut butter off it.
- Blowing through a “4-way stop” intersection is a bad idea.
It’s an even worse idea when the Police Station is on that intersection. You can KICK yourself for doing it in an “Arrest Me Red” Mustang 5.0… And then you can kiss the rest of the day (and your license) good-bye when the cop pulls you over and sees your highly fashionable “Bad Cop, No Donut!” bumper sticker.
- This applies to any restaurant where you stand in line to place your order. These lines are long enough to give you time to peruse the menu and make a decision. Do not get to the front of line and then suddenly get “stumped” about what you want. There is no place in the adult world for “menu performance anxiety”. Also, asking if there’s “fair trade cream” in the baked potato soup is a sign that you’re at the wrong restaurant. Remember, it’s all about keeping the line moving.
- You can lead a fool to logic – but you can’t make him think.
- If you accidentally swallow pop rocks – drinking water won’t help.
- When in a hurry and grabbing the mouthwash for a quick freshening – check the bottle. Rubbing alcohol will offer a slightly different experience.
- When you do the Pete Townsend (For my younger readers – GOOGLE IT!) style “power slide” on your knees – make sure there is a pair of pants between your knees and the floor.
- A block of cheese in a computer bag looks a lot like a hunk of C4 and WILL cause a full alert at the airport.