Self Help Tip # 1: The 4 stages of insanity are:
1) Talking to yourself.
2) Arguing with yourself.
3) Losing an argument with yourself.
4) NO LONGER TALKING TO YOURSELF.
Safety Tip # 1: You’ve put on a shirt thousands of times. You’ve walked down the stairs thousands of times. Doing both of these at once, however, is still a bad idea.
Fashion Tip # 1: Too much make-up on 5 year olds OR 50 year olds is equally as scary.
Travel Tip # 1: A block of cheese in a computer bag looks alot like a hunk of C4 and WILL cause a full alert at the airport.
SIDE NOTE: The little foil packets of Peanut Butter count as a “liquid” according to TSA – don’t try to carry those on either – unless you enjoy the “special processing”…
Bachelor Tip # 1: Don’t use shampoo when you run out of dish washing soap. The dishes will taste funny for a VERY long time.
Bachelor Tip #2: (per a friend): But – it is great for washing clothes
Boyfriend/Husband Tip # 3: When a woman says, “Correct me if I’m wrong but…”
DON’T DO IT! It’s a TRAP! Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT correct that woman!
Fishing Tip # 1: I don’t care how much you hate the eel you just caught while night fishing – unhooking it and throwing it up the embankment (towards the road) WILL make the eel fly into the open window of the passing car and scare the driver into hitting that tree…
Health Tip # 1: If you accidentally swallow pop rocks – drinking water wont help.
Health Tip # 2: When in a hurry and grabbing the mouthwash for a quick freshening, check the bottle. Rubbing alcohol will offer a slightly different experience.
College Kid Tip # 1: Roasting marshmallows over a candle, no matter how brilliant the idea may seem, is not a replacement for a campfire. Your delicious puffed sugar will taste like Yankee Candle.
College Kid Tip # 2: Before presenting your graduate school thesis, make sure the computer has been scanned for viruses and ad-ware. Otherwise, an ad WILL pop up in the middle of the presentation offering to sell you a university degree based on “life experience.”
Sibling Tip # 1: Know your limits: You are not a “morning person” and you have two little brothers that you just torked off… AND the tube of Brylcreem (Google it!) that is usually on the bottom shelf looks remarkably like the tube of toothpaste that is normally on the middle shelf – just say’n…